Without you to hold, I'll be freezing
by YulianaHenderson
Summary: "Lisbon closed her eyes. Her hands ran through his smooth curls, his head resting safely in her lap. His hand brushed her thigh. 'We're gonna die, aren't we' Jane asked, his voice small. 'We won't,' she replied softly, as if talking to a young child." Jisbon, one-shot. Angsty. Rated T. Just a little plotbunny I couldn't let go of. Title taken from Ed Sheeran's song 'Drunk'.


**A/N: One-shot to celebrate my exam week is almost over! ****(only Prose & Poetry left but pffft, I can manage that) ****Working on Once Upon a Child, gonna update Not Alone before the end of the weekend, at least.**

**Title's taken from Ed Sheeran's awesome song 'Drunk'.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.**

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'_**Without you to hold, I'll be freezing'**_

Lisbon closed her eyes. Her hands ran through his smooth curls, his head resting safely in her lap.

His hand brushed her thigh.

"We're gonna die, aren't we?" Jane asked, his voice small. He was getting weaker and weaker. She just wanted to get him away from here and put him in a safe bed, look after him, make sure he was okay.

"We won't," she replied softly, as if talking to a young child. He kept looking at her though she refused to meet her eyes. She knew he was looking her anyway.

"Don't lie... I know we'll... die..."

She bowed down and kissed his forehead.

"I don't know, Patrick. I really don't know..."

Jane searched for her hand and moved it to his lips. They grazed her skin softly, and it gave goose bumps whenever she felt his breath touched her.

He then struggled to move up, winching when he felt his severe bruises on his stomach. She wouldn't even be the tiniest bit surprised if it turned out he had severe internal bleeding as well.

He leaned against the wall, his face inches away from hers.

"I'm... sorry that... I never gave you the impression... impression that I cared about you... more than about him... because I did care... a lot..."

"Don't talk too much," she whispered, "save your power."

"No..." He moved closer and linked their lips. She almost choked on a little sob as the hand that had been brushing her thigh now cupped her cheek. When he pulled away, she moved closer, and was just in time to stop her small whimper from escaping her mouth. "I'm gonna... die anyway, Teresa... I want you to know... that I love you..."

"Don't do this, Patrick... you won't die."

He smiled faintly. He brushed her cheek and she saw in his eyes that he was almost crying as well.

"Always the sweet angel..." He put his forehead against hers. "If I won't die from... my internal bleeding I can... feel now because it hurts... he'll make sure I'll die anyway..."

She closed her eyes, feeling tears escaping them. She didn't want to be here. Not now, not ever. She didn't want him to die, but she knew he was right – he wouldn't get out of here alive.

She bit her lower lip, preventing herself from sobbing.

"Tell me... tell me what our child's name would be... if we had one..."

"Patrick-"

"Please, Teresa. I know it's... insane... but I want to know..."

He watched her, she knew it. As she opened her eyes, her suspicions were confirmed – she was looking straight into his sea-green eyes.

"Charlotte," she whispered. He didn't move, didn't give the slightest impression that he was affected, "if we would have had a daughter, her middle name would have been Charlotte."

His lips quirked. His eyes showed so much warmth she almost lost her battle against her sobbing.

She didn't know if he was amused by the fact that she had this all figured out. She just hoped she wasn't the only one of them who fantasized about having a family – after all, her biological clock almost stopped ticking.

"Her first name wouldn't have mattered... you would get to choose that. I'm sure you would have come up with a beautiful name."

"Lily..."

She closed her eyes and he kissed the tip of her nose softly.

"Lily... that's a beautiful name..." she whispered. He nodded softly.

"And if we would have had a son... I think Patrick Jr... Because I'm pretty sure he would look a lot like his father. I would have _hoped_ he looked like his father."

He softly kissed her lips. He was still slightly panting, had been ever since Red John had beat him up so badly that he almost couldn't breathe anymore.

"I'm sorry... that I couldn't give you... a child, Teresa... it was all I ever wanted to... do... but I couldn't... but it was stu... pid... I know that now..."

"I know, Patrick," she whispered against his lips. "But don't feel guilty about it. It... isn't meant to be. Some people should never have children-"

"But you're not that kind of person," he breathed. She let out a soft whimper – she wanted him to stop. It was becoming too difficult, with every sweet word he whispered she realized it would be harder to let him go if he would grow too weak.

"I love you," he whispered. She ran a hand through his curls when he slumped against her, getting too exhausted to hold himself upright against the wall, even when they were sitting and not standing.

She took him in her arms, and softly hummed into his ear. She used to hum that song to her brothers as well, and in her turn her mother hummed it to them before she had passed away. It gave her memories that made this moment even harder.

He ran a hand through her hair, admiring the soft texture, since it took him a lot of time before he was able to let it go.

"I love you too," she replied softly. He held on to her, and having said all the words they wanted, he closed his eyes and drifted into unconsciousness. She didn't know if he fell asleep or was really unconscious because of the pain, but she held him anyway.

Only when she was absolutely sure that he was unconscious did she cry. She cried for the life she was most probably going to lose, for the things they had said and never would say ever again. For all the things they could have done but wouldn't do – the strange marriage they would have, the children they could have had.

His hand went to stroke her body, so he was asleep. It brushed her thigh, her hip, then went up to her breasts. She cried even harder but he didn't wake up – honestly, she didn't want him to.

The killer didn't come back. Instead, two paramedics entered the room, followed by Cho. They tried to tear Jane away from her but she wouldn't let go. Eventually Cho gently disentangled her from the blonde and wrapped his arms around her.

She hadn't stopped crying, not since he had slipped into unconsciousness.

"We're here," Cho said, softly. If she had been with her right mind, she would have given him a golden star for showing sympathy for once. Now, she really didn't care. She had something or some_one_ to hold onto.

Cho ushered her into the ambulance and she reluctantly agreed. It wasn't as though she didn't want to make sure Jane was safe – she was afraid of what she would be faced with in the future.

~...~

"Get some rest, this is not healthy, Boss."

She didn't reply. She didn't even look at anyone except for Jane, lying in the hospital bed, his skin pale against the white hospital sheets.

She felt Van Pelt's soft hands on both her shoulders.

"He wouldn't want you to end up in the hospital too."

"You don't know that because he can't answer."

Van Pelt sighed. "Just sleep a bit. Close your eyes, at least. You can even do it here, in this chair."

She didn't respond anymore, and Van Pelt gave up, walking away.

_Please, Patrick, please wake up. Please be well. Do it for me._

~...~

No one was surprised by the fact that Lisbon became hospitalized too.

Ever since Jane had ended up in the hospital, kept in a coma so that his body could heal from what he had been through, she hadn't slept once. And that had been two weeks ago.

Okay, maybe she had slept a few minutes every once in a while, but she refused to take her eyes off Jane. One time, the team had talked to her but she hadn't given any indication that she was listening, and it had turned out that she had been sleeping with her eyes opened.

She was put in a bed across Jane's and was given sleep medications – heavy stuff, and she had been sleeping for the past three days. It was like she was in a coma too.

The team almost dreaded having to step into that room every time it was their turn to watch over the two.

~...~

With every day that passed by, Lisbon lost a bit of her soul. Most of it was left behind in that room anyway, but the longer Jane was kept in a coma, the quicker the twinkle left her eyes.

She was just existing now. She wasn't living, or smiling, or being happy. She was just an empty shell. The only thing that made her human was the fact that she was still doing all the necessary stuff she had to do. That was it.

"Jane... please wake up..." Van Pelt whispered. It was futile; they had tried for days on end now. "We need both of you. We can't live with just the three of us."

~...~

Lisbon had left the hospital all of a sudden. She was allowed to go, as she slept regularly again, but nobody had expected she would actually leave Jane's side.

A few hours later, however, she stumbled back into the hospital. She almost knocked over a few people as she swayed through the hallways. Van Pelt felt her heart sinking – it was obvious Lisbon had been drinking.

Before the brunette could do something she would regret, Van Pelt had wrapped her arms around the woman and had forced her to sleep. Eventually, Lisbon had agreed, though not without putting up a fight first.

~...~

She was never there anymore.

Office and hospital rumor had it she had given up on Jane ever waking up.

At first, the doctors had kept him in a coma – after a while, when they wanted to wake him, he didn't wake up.  
That was probably the reason that Lisbon wasn't found next to him anymore.

Van Pelt had heard that Lisbon went to bars to sleep with random strangers.  
She just hoped she wouldn't do anything completely stupid.

~...~

Five weeks after the incident with Red John, and Lisbon showed up with her 'fiancée' – obviously, this had not been a very thought-through plan since the ring the bloke had given her looked like it was a Barbie one.

She hadn't given the impression to be worried about Jane any longer – if only, she even told Jane that she was glad that he didn't wake up anymore since now she could move on and 'start a family'. No way in hell Van Pelt would allow this random stranger to make her best friend pregnant – if he did that, she would cut off his manhood.

~...~

It was official now, even the state of California agreed: Teresa Lisbon was married to her random stranger.

And that was also the end of her visits paid to Patrick Jane.

Van Pelt closed her eyes.

She had wanted to see Jane and Lisbon getting married and starting a family, just because she knew what their real feelings were and had always been. They had never been just friends, it had always been more even though they had never actually done something to be that 'more than friends'.

"You got what you wanted now, Jane?" Van Pelt asked. Of course, no reply.

"You're a coward, you know that? She loved you, she still does. Just wake up, for Christ's sake, Jane. Stop this madness. It isn't that dude she should marry – it's you. Do it before it's too late."

She saw a small tear rolling down his cheek, ending up in his golden curls.

He had heard her.

~...~

Lisbon had went on honeymoon to Hawaii – how cliché. Her random stranger had made sure to give her all that she wanted, but when they had come back, Van Pelt had seen it.

The fake fairy-tale was over – Lisbon had had it. Not just with her doomed marriage and Jane, but with everything. She was done pretending that she didn't care about Jane while she did.

She visited Jane alone a day after she and her bloke had come back, and Van Pelt had been about to enter just to watch over him when she had spotted Lisbon standing next to the bed. She dove behind a wall and observed the brunette.

"Why won't you wake up?" Lisbon whispered, almost inaudible. "I needed you, Patrick... I still do."

Lisbon sat down on the edge of the bed. "Love... I love you... I don't want this," she said as she held up her cheap wedding ring, "I just want you."

She sighed and brushed his hand. "Remember Lily Charlotte and Patrick Jr.? They need us too."

Van Pelt closed her eyes and she almost wanted to walk away, when she heard some sounds coming from the two again. As she looked, she saw Lisbon lying down beside Jane, moving his arm so that she was cuddled into his side.

Lisbon started crying then, like she had done in that room where they had been tortured by Red John, and like she had done the first few days when she was worried sick about him and wouldn't talk to anyone.

She kept whispering 'I love you' in between sobs, like a mantra she had to repeat so that she knew that Jane would hear.

Machines started beeping more frantically. Lisbon didn't hear it.

Van Pelt rushed into the room and went to check on Jane – he was murmuring incoherent things but it was more than he had done over the past few weeks.

His eyes shot open and he looked disorientated for a long time. Then he noticed the crying woman in his arms and it sobered him up immediately.

"T... Terees..."

Lisbon's head shot up and as their eyes met, Lisbon linked their lips and cried even more.

The nurses went to check up on him but that wasn't an easy task while his lips were sealed with Lisbon's. His hand reached out, shaking as he moved towards Lisbon's left hand, and removed her wedding ring, still without leaving her lips.

Van Pelt buried her face in her hands – it was over. Everyone had finally awoken from that horrible nightmare.

~...~

Lisbon held their two newborns – Lily Charlotte and Patrick Junior.

Jane brushed a few strands of damp hair out of her face – she was crying tears of joy as she looked at their two beautiful children.

"They're so perfect," Jane whispered. Lisbon nodded frantically, earning a smile and a kiss from him.

"They look like you," she stated. Which wasn't true, they looked more like her than him. There was no doubting he was their father, though, and not Lisbon's random stranger.

Jane almost crushed all three of them as he lay down beside Lisbon and took over little Patrick Jr. The little boy was still close to his mother. Jane wrapped his free arm around her and cuddled her as close to him as humanly possible.

They had never felt a happiness like this in their entire life.

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**A/N: Soo... a bit Angsty, bit stupid, but let me know anyway what you thought of this! Feedback is STILL very much appreciated!**


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